Even though you’re not going through menopause yourself, the changes that your partner is going through will affect your relationship to some extent. If you’re in a relationship with a perimenopausal or menopausal woman, then educating yourself about menopause can help you understand what your partner is going through and help them get the menopause relief they need. Here are seven things men need to know about menopause:
1.Educate yourself about menopause.
Most men never give a thought to menopause (or any other women’s health conditions) because they don’t have to experience it themselves. However, your partner already has enough going on with trying to cope with menopause, so try not to put the burden of educating yourself on them. Take initiative and do your research on menopause using reputable sources so you’ll understand the facts. Pretty soon you’ll be well-versed in hormone surges, hot flashes, incontinence products for women, and everything else that goes along with menopause — and your partner will greatly appreciate not having to explain it all!
2.Learn about your partner’s individual needs.
Each woman experiences menopause differently. Some sail through menopause very quickly with barely a symptom, while others have a very long, drawn-out transition that lasts for years and years. Symptoms may be more or less severe, and they can also fluctuate over time. Doing the research is super important, but you also need to check in with your partner and ask about what specific symptoms they are experiencing. For instance, your wife might get really bad hot flashes, but not suffer from memory lapses as much. Knowing your partner’s individual situation will make it easier for both of you to navigate menopause together.
3.Be prepared for the long haul.
Between perimenopause and menopause itself, some women can experience symptoms for up to 12 years before the effects finally begin to subside, though this isn’t always the case. Perimenopause lasts for an average of four years, but symptoms such as hot flashes can continue beyond the official onset of menopause, which occurs when someone has not had a period for at least 12 months. Menopause doesn’t resolve quickly, so you need to be prepared to last for the long haul. However, don’t lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually, menopause will be over and she will begin to feel better again, so look forward to that together.
4.Keep the intimacy alive.
Sex and physical intimacy can be greatly affected during menopause. Many women’s bodies go through physical changes that make sex not as pleasurable: the vaginal area usually becomes dry, sore, and sometimes painful to touch. The hormonal changes also result in lowered testosterone, which means a reduced sex drive. Other physical changes, such as weight gain, can also reduce her confidence and make her feel less attractive mentally. Be patient with your partner when they’re not in the mood, and be willing to experiment around in the bedroom if they are up for some sexy times. For instance, vaginal lubricant is usually a must for older women to help offset vaginal dryness, so if it wasn’t a staple in your bedroom routine before, it’s about to become one.
5.Don’t take it personally.
Due to the mood swings caused by hormone surges, your partner may be crabby or snap at you more often than usual. We know it’s hard, but try not to take these outbursts personally. The hormones are definitely heightening them, if not causing them altogether. If the outbursts are putting a strain on your relationship, then consider going to a couple’s therapist. The therapist can help mediate between you and separate what’s menopause mood swings from what’s actually going on in your relationship. A therapist can also help you and your partner find healthier ways to channel those mood swings and vent your emotions in ways that don’t involve yelling at each other.
6.Practice empathy.
Some men will mistakenly dismiss their partner’s experiences with comments such as “it’s not that bad” or “at least it’s better than getting your period” — or they may try to be “helpful” by suggesting lower calorie meals and pelvic floor exercises. While these comments might be well-meaning, they actually brush off your partner’s feelings. Even though menopause is a natural part of the aging process, for many women, it represents not just the end of their ability to bear children but also a major milestone in the aging process. In a society that values youthfulness, particularly in women, this can be a very hard transition to go through — both mentally and physically. Do your best to empathize with what they’re going through and to validate their feelings rather than dismiss them.
7.Communicate openly.
Communication is always critical in a relationship, and it becomes even more so when your partner is going through menopause. Keep the lines of dialogue open and be open to talking with your partner if they feel up to it — but don’t push it if they don’t. There’s also a practical element to all this communication: Many women experience memory lapses during menopause, and constant communication will help remind them of important dates and tasks. Whether it’s a face-to-face conversation during date night or a quick text during the day to encourage them, communication will keep you connected as a couple.
Menopause isn’t fun, but it can be easier to weather with a supportive partner. Your partner will appreciate everything that you do to try to make menopause easier on them and your relationship. Hang in there together because it does get better eventually!